Where's the village?

Monday, August 29, 2011

Speed bumps

When I got back from Canada (where I was pretty faithful about doing Shiva Nata), I stopped. I didn't practice, didn't even really think about it much. And when I did, most of it was along the lines of "I don't feel like it right now. Maybe later." This went on for 3 weeks or so.

I'm trying this new thing of not beating myself up about stuff, while simultaneously staying present and noticing when I'm in these patterns. So I just kind of waited until it came back.

Interestingly enough, I started mentally flailing before I ever started moving my arms or using the DVD again. I would lie in bed and go through the Level 1 arm movements in my head at night.

A couple of days ago, I finally put the DVD in again. It was good to review the motions, but I realized that once I use the video to remind myself what the right motions are, I prefer to practice on my own. When the video's on, I follow along and don't try as hard to anticipate and learn the pattern of the movements. And when I'm doing it on my own, it's easier to change the style of motion too, like fast or slow, or smooth or crisp, or whatever.

So anyway, I'm back on the horse. And finding that it's coming more and more easily for me. Maybe I needed to let what I knew sink in for a bit. And I think that, once I practice a little more with the vertical arms, I'll be ready to start adding in the legs.

Yay, progress!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Crazy Fangirl - that's me

I'm taking a mini-hiatus from Facebook. Keeping up with everyone's posts was getting pretty compulsive for me, and even giving me a bit of anxiety about missing out on something. It sounds pretty weird now that I've typed it and am looking at what I've typed. I mean, I'm afraid to miss out on something, so I'm going to miss out on it for 4 days straight? But here's the thing. There are at least half a dozen other methods for me to find out what's going on with my friends, my family, my city, my country, my world. I'm just going to stop trying to drink from the firehose for a while.

Not that I'm going offline, oh-ho-ho no. Now that would be crazy. Basically I've made it so I have a little less guilt about sitting down and reading through some of my favorite sites and blogs, because I haven't just been on FB for 2 hours. And I've set myself the goal of reading every post in Havi's blog. Whee! Creepy fangirl!

Monday, August 08, 2011

Trying a VPA

Havi, who is my hero when it comes to self-improvement, has a weekly ritual of writing out Very Personal Ads, which are things she is hoping to find/accomplish/become/realize in the coming week. There are also Gwishes, which in my mind are both bigger and more nebulous than the VPA, but whatever. That's for later. The VPA format goes like this:
Here's what I want
Ways this can work
My commitment

I'm going to try it today. I didn't have the guts to put it in the comments on her blog, which is what a lot of people do. It is like an entry into her community, which I desperately want (perhaps a future VPA) but I'm afraid to NOT get any feedback. Here, I know I won't, so it's OK. If I post it there, the possibility of feedback/response will make me all anxious, and the potential/probable lack of it will make me all bummed.

So. Here in my safe little online hermitage, where almost nobody ever stumbles in, I will practice and get into the groove of it, before I send it out into the world for scrutiny.

My VPA for the week

Here's what I want:
To find an exercise regimen that makes me feel good, gets me in shape, and doesn't feel like a chore. Oh, and it would be nice to have it be cheap or free, too.

Perhaps because it's been very hot and very humid lately, I have experienced a distinct aversion to anything that makes me sweat profusely. (Which, you know, has been anything more than breathing the past few weeks.) Which puts a crimp in almost any kind of exercise.

But meanwhile I'm still looking for a way to a) be at home in my body and b) give it the love and attention it deserves. But if it's too much of a chore, it won't happen, and I will feel defeated, and there are all the attendant feelings of trying to control my body rather than work with it, and there's a lot going on there clearly.

Ways this can work:
I can do more Shiva Nata, but only do it slowly while it's hot.
I can try to go swimming more often.
I can find a t'ai chi or qigong class that fits with my schedule (and my beloved's, because he'll have to watch the girls).
I can do more things that I enjoy, which burn calories but aren't technically "exercise," like gardening and taking the girls for walks.
I can look into dance classes, which is something I've been wanting to try for a while.

My commitment:
To keep pondering.
To give myself permission to try something and then drop it if it doesn't work out. With as little guilt as possible.
To accept myself and my body where I am right now, while still lovingly moving towards a healthier lifestyle and relationship with myself and with food and with movement.
To take it easy easy easy this week, because I've already pulled something in my back from moving furniture, and OW.

Hey, this was kind of fun! I'll have to think of more VPA's for next week.