A realization of a realization

A few days ago I was contemplating the lack of shiva-ing since I got back from vacation. (For one thing, it's been too damn hot until yesterday.) Out of the blue, I remembered that I did, in fact, have a little moment of hmmm during that week. I'd had a pretty intense dream (or series of run-on dreams, as mine always morph from one story line to another to another), and the next morning I told my sister-in-law about it. I'm not going into details here as some of it's personal. But the gist is that I started sensing a pattern in a lot of my stress dreams: miscommunication and separation. Like this:

• thinking everyone's agreed on one thing and then when I do it, I'm the only one there.
• driving somewhere and suddenly realizing I have no idea where I'm going (and sometimes driving off the edge of something)
• going somewhere and waiting for someone and they never show up.
• realizing in the middle of something that I don't know where my children are.
• knowing where my children are but being helpless to get to them.

It's probably a pretty typical parental stress factor. But it does seem to crop up in my dreams a lot. So, all together now:

Hmmmm.

I'm wondering...

I was having an online chat with a friend who is swamped at work; she said those to whom she answers expect miracles from her. My response was "The reward for doing a good job: more and harder work."

And then a couple of minutes later I said "Must be why I had another child LOL" and now I'm wondering: how true is that, really? Is it just a pithy quip that has no basis in fact? Or a truth I hadn't realized until now?

There's a hmmm moment for you.

Back from vacay

Best week ever in the Georgian Bay. I even managed to do Shiva Nata a few times. No moments of hmmm that I can recall, but I was a bit distracted.

Well. Never mind.

If only I had kept reading the other night after my wonderings, at least one of my questions would have been answered. But there was that pesky way-past-my-bedtime thing going on, you know.

Wonderings

I'm reading and reading and reading all the archives on shivanata.com, and bookmarking tons of links from there. And meanwhile I'm having these little wonderings. Like:

• Would shiva nata be helpful for neurological conditions like Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, things like that? There was a comment on this post about someone who started doing Shiva Nata after a stroke, and was able to completely go drug-free. Gave me the shivers, it did.
• Is there anyone who has done shiva nata with kids?
• Would shiva nata be of any use to kids with autism?

Progress Report #1

No big moments of bing. I don't know, personally I feel a bit blank and empty after doing Shiva Nata. (I know, I know, I've been doing it for, what, four days? Talk about needing to cut myself some slack!) But I've learned a few things from reading the archives on shivanata.com. One is that I should probably slow the heck down. I was going through the entire Level 1 series (or at least most of it) every time, but Havi recommends that you only do 10 minutes at a time.

The problem with this is that I bought the DVD out of a desire to keep exercising, lose weight, get in shape, that sort of thing. 10 minutes a day isn't going to do it for me.

But I'm all for the epiphanies and the increased coordination part of it. So I'm going to keep going. Flail about for 10 minutes, rest for 2, then do some other kind of exercise.

Some possibly shivanautically related things:

• The other day I came home from walking the dog before bedtime, and when I walked in the door everything looked new. Or, more like, I felt like I was looking at it all from a different angle. My first impression is that I felt taller. Just a moment of hmm.

• This morning, when I tried the new routine described above, I was trying a new dance aerobics video. I love me some dancing, and I want to learn new moves, but usually these videos move too quickly for me and I get way frustrated. This morning, however, I was able to...well, not keep up, but at least follow along closely enough that I didn't feel like throwing anything. (Or drowning my sorrows in chocolate, which would be counterproductive at best.)

Shiva Nata

I started trying to get back into some semblance of health this year. A friend started an online group of women who all did the 30-Day Shred together. It was fun to do it in company, however virtual. But when the 30 days were over, the group kind of fell apart. I wanted to keep going, because I was feeling better than I had in years. But I was kind of over Jillian Michaels, no offense to that estimable woman, I'm sure she does lots of people lots of good. It's just not my thing.

Meanwhile, a FB friend had linked to a post on The Fluent Self, a blog by Havi Brooks. Her wacky, slightly esoteric way of writing is just my thing. I was hooked, and I disappeared down that particular rabbit hole for several weeks. And because I can become a bit of a fangirl and assume that the latest thing I'm into is the answer to all my problems, I eventually started getting interested in the yoga practice she teaches, called Shiva Nata, or Dance of Shiva. And then about a month ago, in a fit of anxiety-ridden spontaneity, I went and ordered the DVD and starter kit. A bigger chunk of change than Ms. Michaels' product, which explains the anxiety. But I was convinced!

OK, so now I've started it and I'm supposed to journal my progress and any moments of bing! that are legendarily prevalent among Shivanauts. And I thought, well heck. I've got this blog over here, it's been sitting ignored and morose for 3 years (I will not write an apology post, I will not write an apology post, I will not write an apology post), it's still mine and I can still log into it, why not use that?

We'll see how this goes. But I make no promises, to myself or anyone else. I'm just trying to be a little realistic, is all.