Person of Interest

I have many many fears. Who doesn't? Anyway, one of my fears is of being...boring. Uninteresting. Mediocre. Ordinary. Bland.

Last night, after doing some Shiva Nata level 1 arms as fast as I could, and remembering that I'm supposed to try to meditate after flailing, and trying without success to do so, I went to bed. And the thought that popped into my head before sleep was about this fear of mine. Here's my linear, morning after, not-inside-my-head version of how the inner dialogue went:

*sigh*

I'm probably going to have to give up red wine, it's been making me feel like crap the last few times I had any.

But that's one of the vices I like.

But I don't like how it makes me feel later. And there are other drinks I can still have.

*sigh*

Fine, I'll give up red wine. Mostly. Relegate it to once in a rare while.

It's the right thing to do, to take care of my body.

If I'm going to take care of myself, I'm going to have to give up other vices.

Like snacking late at night.

Because Michael Pollan said that French people don't get fat because they only have one serving and they don't snack between meals.

Well crap. I like to snack.

If I can't drink wine and I can't snack, what am I going to do in the evenings so I'm not a boring lump of flesh on the chair?

Wait, what?

Eating and drinking don't make me interesting.

Do I do these things because I think they make me interesting?

Are all of my vices some kind of misguided attempt to be someone that people want to be around?

Vices = interesting?

I have to remember this so I can write in my blogjournal!

I should get up and do it right now, because I never remember what I think about before I go to sleep.

If I get up to write it down, I'll probably start reading Facebook and Twitter and all my blogs and that will spoil the going to bed early thing I've got going here.

Even if it is only 30 minutes early.

I'm just going to say it over and over to myself so I remember tomorrow.

Vices = interesting?

So. Some other things that came to me as I was writing this:

Wait, what? I like my vices?

Huh. I guess I do like some of them. Especially red wine.

And also:

Wait, what? I'm thinking of trying a specific diet just because Michael Pollan mentioned it in passing in The Omnivore's Dilemma?

It's true. There's another book all about it. So it must be true!

Also, it kind of makes a little sense.