Toxic

My doctor told me that I suffer from adrenal fatigue. Among other things. And one of the things recommended for relieving this adrenal fatigue is releasing "toxic" emotions.

So here's one for you.

I'm just starting to read this biography of C.S. Lewis called The Narnian, not even through the introduction. I had to put it down and go do something else for a while, because according to this book, while Lewis was writing The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, he living a life that the author called "very miserable." And what made his life miserable? He was taking care of two people who were "dependent on him for their care."

Is any of this sounding familiar? On the next page there's a quote from Lewis that "Dog's stools and human vomit have made my day today: one of those days when you feel at 11 A.M. that it really must be 3 P.M."

Welcome to my fucking world.

I don't want to belittle Lewis or his troubles; what really gets my ire up is the way the author paints this picture that being a primary cargiver for someone (adult or child) is so exhausting and heart-wrenchingly burdensome for such an important, intelligent, gifted man as C.S. Lewis.

Why doesn't someone write a God Damned Book about how exhausting and heart-wrenchingly burdensome it is to be a mom? That it's not all love and Pooh and giggles and kissed scrapes? That wiping butts and planning meals and teaching manners and soothing feelings can Burn. You. Out. within a handful of years, but somehow you have to keep going and keep going and keep going and pour it all out, and at the end of the day still find a way to give some more.

I'm absolutely positive that Lewis wasn't a wuss for collapsing after years of the care he gave to his brother and the elderly woman who lived with him. What I'm objecting to is this implication by the author that his situation was so unique in its direness. We should all clasp our hands to our breasts and sigh at the travails of the Poor Tortured Genius who had to set aside his career and his creative endeavors for a time because someone needed him, needed him until he had to escape to a hospital. And then turn around and thank God that nobody we know has to deal with that.

Well. Let me tell you something. Almost every mother you have known or will know in your life has to deal with that.

Toxic enough, doc? I'm not feeling much release. Maybe if I sleep on it.