Where's the village?

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

A new low, a new leaf

I got really down on myself this weekend after eating a handful of mini peanut butter cups. Oh yeah, and 2 chocolate chip cookies. I have ZERO self control there. So I had a long talk with the dajadaddy about all the things I hate in my life, and we decided to have a daily pow-wow to help me determine my to-do list, and I purged the house of almost all things chocolate or candy-related. I wanted to lock the TV in the closet too, but I can only turn over so many new leaves in a day.

Turns out most of the things I'm struggling with have to do with escaping. I spend too much time online, too much time watching TV, too much time reading, too much time snacking while doing all of the above. Plus I think I'm sugar sensitive (or at least I have low blood sugar issues), so the chocolate has been the exact WRONG thing to use for a pick-me-up.

And what, you say, am I trying to escape? Who the hell knows? The housework, the parenting work, the gardening work, the loneliness, the uncertainty that I'm where/what/who I should be, the yearning (still!) for my old (perhaps codependent) life in Portland? Take your pick.

So I'm trying to let the dajadaddy help me get and stay more organized, and I'm trying the "Potatoes Not Prozac" book to get a handle on my body chemistry, and I'm trying to not melt because Jesus God, the weather went from the 50's to the 80's with not a hell of a lot of notice.

That? That was random. And it was typical. My brain jumps around more than a flea in a dog pound these days. I went upstairs this morning to get the dajamou's clothes, and between the decision to go upstairs the reaching the top of the stairs, I totally blanked on what I was doing. I wandered into nearly every room on the second floor before I finally woke up and remembered my purpose up there.

This damn blood sugar diet better work. The dajamama needs some bloody focus.


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