The First Desperate Housewives Club

Someone posted this on one of the local Freecycle lists.

Going through divorce in need of step ladder and electric hedge trimmer. Thank you.

Naturally my imagination ran away with it. In the space of about 15 seconds I came up with 4 different scenarios.

1. She's going to climb the ladder to the bedroom and try to use the hedge trimmer to destroy all his furniture and shred his porn magazines.

2. She's going to climb the ladder to the bedroom and try to use the hedge trimmer to chop off his head.

3. She's going to stuff his downspouts with debris so he'll have to climb the ladder (which she'll have twisted a copper wire around) to clear it out, and there will be a tree branch in the way, so he'll have to use the hedge trimmer to cut it off, but she'll rig the trimmer to short out and that, combined with the wire in the ladder, plus the puddle of water that the ladder is standing in (which will happen because of the clogged downspout), will electrocute him.

4. She's going to climb the ladder to the top of his prized heirloom Japanese maple tree and denude it of all its foliage just before it reaches the peak of its autumn color.

I have got to stop watching Desperate Housewives.